The quintessential skank.
Not an easy lifestyle to achieve or maintain, the classic skank lives a double life of deception designed to take advantage of trusting friends, lovers, family and relatives.
The closer, the better. Call it love crimes.
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Possibly the most notorious skank - ever - was a serial killer by the name of Belle Gunness. An impoverished Norwegian immigrant at the age of 22, she met, married and murdered two husbands, then poisoned her three children and collected insurance money on all of 'em. After that, she dispensed with the idea of marriage and simply lured suitors to her farm in Indiana where they vanished, one-by-one. She may have claimed as many as 40 lives before burning her farmhouse to the ground and disappearing thru the smoke, never to be seen again. |
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Meet Eva Dugan, the only woman ever hanged in Arizona. After a stint as cabaret singer during Alaska's gold rush (according to Wikipedia), she moved to Arizona and hired on as housekeeper at the Pima County ranch of a certain Mr. Andrew Mathis.
Married five times, each of Eva's husbands mysteriously disappeared - as did Mr. Mathis, along with his car and cash. Eva was convicted of murdering Mathis with an axe and was hanged February 21, 1930 at the age of 52.
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Mae West set the bar for attitude starting in the '30s with more memorable quotes than we can, uh, remember. "Men are like streetcars, there'll be another one along in a minute." Campy, outspoken, never shy, she made her bones (so to speak) in a era of severe censorship despite a wide array of opposition. "I believe in censorship," she said, "I made a fortune from it." Some of her more relevant quips include: "There are no good girls gone wrong, just bad girls found out." And: "When I'm good, I'm very good, but when I'm bad, I'm better." Words to live by.
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The all-time skank success story goes to the American Duchess of Windsor, aka Wallis Simpson. A series of affairs during her first marriage included one Ernest Simpson who divorced his wife to become her second husband. An affair with the Prince of Wales followed (who dumped his mistress for her), all very scandalous in 1934 England. The Prince was crowned King Edward VIII while carrying on with the still-married Simpson, but the Royal Family wouldn't have it. After less than a year - you guessed it - Edward abdicated the British throne to marry her.
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Pin-up queen of the '50s and among the first to pose for Playboy, Bettie Page is legendary. Her jet-black hair, bright blues eyes, stunning beauty and unabashed sexuality made her one of the most photographed and famous models of all time. She had the look and knew how to use it, still copied to this day. Her estate continues to make more money annually than she earned during her entire lifetime. Ms Page passed away "penniless" in 2008 at the age of 85, but left a lasting legacy as a smart, classy, gorgeous - and possibly first - supermodel.
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This still frame is from President Bill Clinton's notorious 1998 address when he emphatically declared to the nation, "I did not have sex'l 'lations with that woman..." Love him or hate him, you have to admit: He sure knew how to pick 'em and play 'em. There was no shortage of "bimbo eruptions" from the time he served as Arkansas Governor to the Whitehouse and beyond. Never in U.S. history have so many skanks become household names as during Clinton's time in office, and dang if the ol' horndog isn't still at it. Wag that finger and enjoy a cigar.
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Remember these weird, creepy little characters? The Teletubbies were imported from England to critical acclaim in 1997 (allegedly) and ran - yech! - until about 2002, regurgitated in 2015 to infect a whole new generation of helpless infants with televised nightmares. Early skank training? You be the judge. It's enough to make one's skin crawl..... Might explain a few things about the so-called "millennial generation" tho.
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Here's one who made it all the way to the Oregon Governor's mansion. Alleged fiancée of the Governor, she assumed First Lady status boosting her eco-green consulting income. Life was good until her other green projects hit the news, including a green-card marriage to an Ethiopian immigrant for $5K, and a marijuana grow operation. Party ended when her boyfriend was forced to resign as Governor because of their activities. The marriage might be off too, since she'll probably be seeking greener pastures.
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According to a New York Post "Shaw Skank" article, this dumpy 51-year-old boinked a pair of killers doing time in a federal prison where she worked, helped them escape, then planned to have 'em kill her husband. Great plan, eh? But... she was a no-show with the getaway car. Oops. A three-week manhunt ensued costing $20M, one con killed, the other wounded and a dozen prison employees suspended pending investigation - including the warden. Way to go! Spreading chaos as only a skank can. She'll get plenty of time to enjoy all those fond memories.
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When it comes to living a lie, this phony takes the cake. Outed by her own parents, Rachel Dolezal - a white chick from Montana - decided she was black. With the help of some makeup, hair dye, a 'fro and bogus Facebook page, she became prez of the NAACP in Spokane, taught Africana studies and claimed to be the victim of discrimination and various unsubstantiated hate crimes. In a painfully long on-camera interview with KXLY she chats up her racial "oppression" until 8:30 into it when she's shown a photo of her (real) father and suddenly goes speechless.
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Recognized that smile from somewhere... coincidence? Oh yeah, it was the ever popular Jack Nicholson looking natty in silk shirt and tie as the Joker from Batman. The (unretouched) pic next to Jack came from a recent TV interview with another joker on her way out after 20 years of easy money and dubious achievement in state politics. She was rambling on about some nonsense certain to take CA further down the drain, but her words were lost behind that mesmerizing smile. |
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Notorious two-time loser, Hillary Clinton has a lengthy history of influence peddling, illegal arms deals, fraudulent charities and murdered associates going back to Arkansas and the Rose law firm. So many victims that the term "Arkancide" was coined to explain the deaths. Illegal uranium deals, drugs, human trafficking, all for sale to highest bidder. We're not suggesting that Hillary is a skank - that would be demeaning to skanks - but her methods of feigned ignorance, destroying evidence, nonstop lies and obfuscation are worthy of note. |
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Thanks to the insanity of political correctness run amok, skanks have recently gained access to public restrooms nationwide as a place in which to practice their craft. A kind of branch office, as it were. Up until now, aircraft lavatories reigned supreme with the added status of membership in the "mile high club," but with their new found ability to enter public restrooms without regard to gender, we expect to see a significant increase in activity around bathrooms everywhere. Ladies and gentlemen, watch your wallets and purses.
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How 'bout this big, ugly, steamin' pile o'hate? Hey, Michael Moron, take a bath now and then, maybe get a shave and a haircut. Ya look like something that crawled from behind a truck stop. Living proof that there musta been something dreadful in the Flint Michigan water supply all these years. The guy made a low-budget movie once, long since forgotten, but seems to think he's still in the limelight decades later. He's been skankin' to an imaginary audience ever since, as if he has something to say, which begs the question: Who asked you?
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Stormy Daniels IDs her attacker! In case you somehow managed to miss it, the story goes like this: Stormy here claims to have humped the Trump and was told to keep quiet about it by some thug back in 2006. One of the first in a string of jaded strumpets looking for Deep State cash, Stormy's ability to describe her assailant after so many years - and so many men - was quite remarkable. The resulting sketch has been compared to everyone from Bon Jovi to Luke Skywalker: link. |
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No skank list would be complete without NPC memes representing talking heads from various clown networks, so here are two current favs. What does NPC mean? Non-Player Character, a term used in video games to describe game-controlled characters that follow a predetermined script. They may serve some purpose in the storyline, act as interference, or just wander around like drones taking up screen space. All the networks have 'em...
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Skanks are kinda like motorcycles - they don't like to sit, they like to be ridden. They're fast and they're easy and they're lots o'fun too, so long as you don't get attached to 'em. They come in all kinds and sizes; dirt bikes, sport bikes, rat bikes, sleds and the occasional scooter, but underneath all that warpaint and polish you'll likely find a basket case.
If you were foolish enough to engage a skank, no need to despair; just consider how dull things would be without all the plotting and planning, scheming and manipulation. From little white lies to wholesale whoppers, it cannot be denied that having a skank in your life adds drama and intrigue. Always on the lookout for adventure and advantage, skanks live in the moment, unconcerned with consequences or commitments, bereft of conscious. Appropriating whatever you want is nice, but it's better with a side of intrigue to feed the need. Skanks take advantage of whatever comes their way or strikes their fancy, but they always do their best to keep it all secret. It's better that way.
Most have ready-made excuses for being late, missed appointments, or being seen somewhere they shouldn't be. Best stories are those that contain a grain of truth and are thus more plausible. Better yet, the lie might have an element making it - somehow - your fault. Her car broke down, you should take better care of it. She couldn't call cuz her phone died and you're too cheap to get her a new one. (That phone is pretty important, y'know. And if you think you're the only one she's sexting with it, think again.)
A well prepared skank carries a complete change of clothes in her car at all times. She has two or more secret email addresses, an alias or two, friends prepared to cover for her in an emergency, and carefully crafted circumstances to explain why she can't give you her address and can only meet you in public places. A skank's situation at any given moment may dictate having to aim a bit lower than she might like, so she'll always be workin' two or more guys at a time. The degree of improvement one way or the other will guide her, but any way it goes, one of you will be due for replacement soon as she trades up.
Skanks often keep mementos of recent conquests; a t-shirt, coffee cup, could be anything from a key fob to a tattoo. However, it should be noted that if she has the trademark "tramp stamp" across her lower back, that is the most significant of all tats. (It's often misunderstood since she's the only one who can't see it.) She'll have her love notes, photos and emails locked up within her password-protected devices, with her many contacts sync'd to her cell phone - all of it ready to be deleted in an instant if need be.
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We've heard all sorts of sad tales about broken marriages and custody battles, thieving partners and family members, jealous rage and bitter disappointment - from domestic violence to viral infections, it's all out there. Glorified by Hollywood, embraced by politicians and public figures of all stripes, skank behavior is rampant today and seems to have become the norm. Morality, honesty, respect, decency and common sense have all fallen prey to modern-day narcissism and pseudo-entitlement. Skank behavior is just the beginning.
If you've ever known a true, clinical sociopath - someone with a complete lack of empathy, sympathy or conscience - you've witnessed extreme behavior that goes a bit beyond your garden-variety skank. That's not to say sociopaths are without emotion or don't know right from wrong; they know these things, but they have a personality deficit that doesn't extend these concepts to others. They get quite angry if they find themselves on the receiving end of their own behavior, but it's perfectly fine to do it to you.
Sociopaths are estimated to comprise approximately 5% of the population - and you don't ever wanna meet one. They lie just for the sake of lying and have spent their entire lives perfecting the craft. Compared to sociopaths, skanks are merely selfish and inconsiderate. Skanks use friends and family, lie and cheat to get what they want, but they are quite aware of potential consequences and thus keep their activities a closely guarded secret. Like sociopaths, they're good at creating alibis, concocting excuses and covering their tracks. They may feel remorse if caught, but only because they got caught; meanwhile, it's all fun and games.
When confronted with hard evidence of the truth, a sociopath will continue to lie anyway. That's just how they are - relentless. A skank, on the other hand, might turn on the waterworks and swear it'll never happen again - but you can be sure it will. Lather, rinse, repeat. The only thing worse than getting skanked is having a remorseful skank on your hands setting you up for another round.
I've had the misfortune to know two clinical sociopaths (all too well), and it's quite remarkable to see how they function in life and the things they do. They often get away with it - just because their behavior is nearly impossible to follow or understand and they never fess-up. By way of comparison, skanks are lightweight and amusing to watch, but both are best avoided.
Be careful out there and don't blindly trust anyone. Ever. And don't be afraid to investigate people - it's a matter of self-defense.
(BTW: If you're wondering about the simulated text messages above, they were penned by none other than Belle Gunness in a love letter to a suitor she subsequently murdered, circa 1908.) |
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Contrary to popular perception, many skanks have impeccable taste and carry themselves with class befitting their environment - plus just the right touch of allure. Other women immediately hate 'em, which is a near-perfect indicator.
High-class types may be found hanging out at yacht clubs, expensive bars, country clubs, sporting events and concerts, places that will attract men of means. Airports are good - as is thirty thousand feet. A more localized variety might frequent casinos, coffee shops and nearby watering holes, markets, laundromats, truck stops - they're everywhere.
Sly but not shy, they're trolling for you. Dressed to the nines and looking to move up in the world, skanks will do whatever it takes to get your attention if they think you have something to offer. A wink. A nod, A beaver shot. All you gotta do is pay attention.
The language they use, both written and verbal, may provide clues as to the level of skankiness. Classy skanks can be quite elegant, well versed in art, music, literature and current events. Often fascinating to converse with, always opinionated, eloquent and good humored, they will nonetheless descend into swearing, cursing and outright warfare if called out. Just don't go there.
Some skanks may try to affect an accent in order to seem more "exotic" or to obscure their real identity. They usually know better than to skank around their home turf (with limited opportunities). Exotic locales are best for all sorts of reasons. They typically use an assumed name/persona and always seem to have forgotten their wallet. Weird.
Whatever she tells you is guaranteed to be something less than the truth, so there's not much point in asking questions beyond making conversation. She'll have to remember whatever she tells you (in case it comes up again), so best to keep questions to a minimum and spare her the trouble.
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Women wired to have affairs?
UK Students called Skanks
Unrealistic Standards for Skanks?
No, not Janet Napolitano!
The Smoking Gun weighs in
SG#2: Craigslist "Skank Agent"
Careful who you call a skank
Fox News 1 and Fox News 2
"Scholarly not skanky" dress code
UK sexbot has "skank mode"
Ban robot whore experts
Politically correct, Portland style
Skank Hackers?
Ashley Madison: BUSTED!
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We wanted to interview a skank and get the skinny on why they do what they do, but couldn't get any to talk to us. So, we sent reporter Polly Boinko out to find a victim instead. A man we'll call "John" answered our ad, identified himself as a "recovering skank lover" and agreed to meet with us at a nearby pub. Turns out John had more questions than answers.
Polly: Nice to meet you, John. As you know, I'm working on a story about skanks and wanted to get your -
John: Why was she always lying to me?
Polly: Uh, lying about what, John?
John: Everything, she lied about everything. It was as easy and natural as breathing for her. She lied about other guys, about work, about money, about drugs, about me and every other damn thing.
Polly: She lied to protect you from the truth, of course. She knew you'd be upset if you found out what she was doing behind your back, so she lied to spare your feelings. She obviously cared deeply about you, John.
John: Aren't men always the ones who cheat in relationships?
Polly: Oh, hell no. That's what skanks everywhere want you to believe, but in fact men are most often looking for a partner in life and are only too happy to share everything with the right woman. That's what makes 'em such easy targets.
John: But... she always told me she loved me - like she meant it.
Polly: Uh, well, she did mean it, John. She loved you... like she loves her car, her shoes, her favorite jeans, her houseplants.... right?
John: Oh yeah, great, like that means something. You use that line?
Polly: Okay, um, maybe she loved you like a brother....
John: Yeah? You sleep with your brother?
Polly: Okay, okay, calm down, have another beer. She probably thought she was just sooo clever she'd never get caught. And you were so smitten she could convince you of anything. Worked for awhile, didn't it?
John: Yeah. Blinded by the light. Is that what it's about, cheap thrills?
Polly: Good question, John. Maybe that's all there is. Really no point in making it any more complicated than that, is there.
John: Guess not. No future in it. But why? I did everything for that girl, she returned the favor - sorta - we never argued, had a good time together. Why's she gotta do those things to me?
Polly: Naa, she wasn't doing anything to you, she was just out to have a good time, y'know? Can't let you get in the way. Or get hurt. Maybe you just need to lower your expectations.
John: So why tell me how much I meant to her if it was all BS?
Polly: It was true in the moment, right?. But whatever she said to you is probably far different than what she says about you. If she ever says anything. Ever think of that?
John: Wait... what? (long pause) I'm outta here. Good luck with your story.
Polly: That went well....
(looking down the bar)
Hi there, is your name John?
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So, whaddaya do when you learn you've been skanked? Bottle it up? Not good. Ignore it? Not possible. Turn into a raving lunatic? Worse yet. Your immediate concern is to get out of a bad situation. Consider the following steps:
- For starters, consider yourself relieved of any and all commitments, obligations, promises or responsibility.
- Cut ties NOW. Spare yourself the drama of confrontation and just make a clean break as fast as you can.
- Go for a long walk, someplace peaceful. Make it the last time you think about what might've been.
- Punch-out a pillow or work a speed bag if you feel like it. Take photos to the pistol range. Get past the anger.
- Burn letters, pictures and mementos. Ship off, donate or trash all reminders, extricate yourself from the past.
- Sometimes it helps to put your feelings on paper. Then burn that, too. Idea here is to put a period on the affair.
- Block calls, text messages and email, cut any and all contact. Don't get sucked into prolonging the agony.
What you don't want to do is turn into a stalker or make any questionable moves. Let it go. Don't try to be friends, that's always a dead-end and will only waste your time; friends don't lie to each other. You can't let yourself be consumed by anger or jealousy. It was fun while it lasted, wasn't it? Nothing to be ashamed of, you'll know better next time. The sooner you cut the past, the sooner you can get on with the future.
Once you've terminated the relationship once and for all, it's time to circle the wagons. Do something creative with the wreckage of lost hope and wasted effort. If you can turn that corner, then your efforts won’t be wasted but just redirected. This very web site is an example, having sprung from the debris of knowing a skank. It was never vindictive or angry, never meant to dox or do harm. Instead, it served as a creative outlet long ago and has since taken on a life of its own and evolved into some kind of all-purpose anti-skank repository.
If you can pull the plug in a civilized fashion and walk away with the knowledge you did your level best, then that's the thing to do. Trust - is the foundation of any lasting relationship; there's no future in pinning your hopes on someone who isn't up to the challenge. Before any confrontation occurs that might lead to a domestic situation, consider this: There's power in knowing what you know to be true, without letting on. Sidestep the drama - get on with life.
"Living well is the best revenge." Good advice going back to the 16th century, just as true today as ever.
"Best way to get over an old lover is to get under a new one." Also good advice.
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